How Can You Love Me?

I cry out to God "How can you love me?"

Didn't you see me as a child when I looked around to see if anyone was watching while I took that candy bar and put it in my pocket without paying for it? Surely that breaks one of your rules. Or how about a few months later when I swung that roller skate around and hit my sister in the face with it? Didn't you see that? Didn't you see each and every time I told a story? Weren't you there when I was only concerned for me? Weren't you there when I didn't even claim to know who you were?

Didn't you see me as I got older and used others to find what I thought was love? Didn't you see me go through relationship after relationship after so called relationship using people and then discarding them because they could never, in my mind, give me what I needed? Didn't you see me take advantage of those less than me to feel good about myself? Didn't you see me?

Didn't you see me commit to things and then walk away? Don't you see the lack of character in me? Don't you see the selfish part of me? Don't you see how shallow I am? Don't you see my arrogance, my pride, my discontent for not so smart people?

I'm sure you saw when I walked away from responsibility, over and over again. I know you were watching as I turned my back on my friends, family, and most of all you. You had to be there when I cursed at you for giving me the family that you did. Or cursed at you for taking away that same family. You were watching as I as a young man took my needs over those needs of those who needed me. How can you possibly love me?

You had to be there when I learned to manipulate people to get what I wanted. Again using for my own selfish greed. You must have been shaking your head when I learned the true art of reverse psychology. When I could let people to talk themselves into whatever I was pitching to get them to do as I wanted. You must have turned you back when I walked away from my family to follow the god of money. You must have been disgusted with me. You couldn't possibly love me.

I cry out to God, "How can you love me?"

"Because you are my son. Because I gave you life, I breathed into you your first breath when you came from your mother's womb. Because you were created out of my love for you. Because I knew you were going to mess up before you did. Because I knew that one day your heart would be softened. Because I knew that one day you would look back on your life. But most of all, because you cry out to me, your Father, and ask me, "How can you love me?".